Befriending Your Parts

 

This is an exercise to help you connect with and befriend your parts. It’s a great way to get close to the parts of you that are overburdened and need support.

 

Here’s how it works:

• Find a quiet place where you can sit and turn inward.

• If you have a part in mind, let it know you’d like to spend time with it.

• If you don’t have a part in mind yet, that’s ok. Shut your eyes or make them soft and think about a challenge you’ve had recently. How did you respond to it? Were you angry, afraid, did you feel helpless, numb, like you had to fix everything, be perfect, did you feel judged? See if a part emerges that you’d like to give your attention.

• Once you have a part in mind, see if you can find it in your body.

• Once you’ve located it, ask yourself, how do I feel about this part? Often we judge our parts so if your feelings toward the part are negative, that’s ok. That’s most likely another part, a judging part, feeling negative. Just keep being curious...

• Ask the part you’ve chosen if it would be ok to hang out together for a bit.

• If your part says yes, let your part know that you’re curious about it and want to know what it believes its job is. Don't think about it, just let the answer bubble to the surface. Be careful to believe your part and be kind and respectful toward it.

• Next ask what would happen if your part stopped doing this job. If your part suggests that the job it does is so important that your life depends on it, that’s normal.

• Ask your part what it thinks about you.

• How old does it think you are? Ask your part how old it is.

• Sometimes our kid parts think we’re kids too. If that’s the case, let your part know you’re an adult.

• Sometimes parts won't be able to give you an answer when you ask it questions, and that's ok. Just work with whatever arises naturally.

• Now ask your part what it needs. Let it know that you’re available to help. Sometimes parts feel that they’ve been neglected. If that’s the case, let your part know that now that you’ve befriended it, you won’t neglect it any more. You’ll be around and you’ll always be curious about what it needs from you. Notice if you feel softer toward your part now.

 

What I’ve just described is how parts therapy sessions often work. If you think you might like to try this type of exercise with me, or if you have any questions or comments, please reach out. I’m here to answer any questions you may have, and I’d love to accompany you on your parts exploration.

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If you'd like a downloadable PDF of this exercise, click the button!

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